....and lots of preparation and timing, I'M IN A SHOW!!! Let the trumpets blare! :-) I'm in rehearsals for The Mousetrap at Citadel Theatre in Lake Forest, a lovely theater where previously I did The Birds. I won't ruin the play for you if you've never seen or read it (I hadn't!) It's the longest-running show in the world (!) since opening in 1952 in London's West End...and it's still going! Oh, my gosh, I'm having A BLAST!!!! There's really nothing like being in a rehearsal, the fun discoveries, the moment where you realize you're going to walk and talk at the same time!, getting to know the cast and crew, working with the director, bringing in new ideas, trying things out that don't work at all but finding something fabulous out of your failure, those epiphanies where the angels sing. I always feel totally alive and energized when working on a play, like all of my creative juices are flowing rivers, and though sometimes the river takes me in a wonky direction, it doesn't matter because it's all the joy of discovery! I'm loving this cast, crew, and director. The director, Scott Westerman, is marvelously open to ideas and is SO excited about directing this play. You can feel his infectious energy when you walk in the rehearsal room. I've brought in some certainly questionable ideas, and he's 100% on board with his excitement to discuss them, try them, further them. It's a seriously fantastic atmosphere. I pinch myself every day at my amazement of being in a show - finally! It's been a minute! We open September 15th and run through October 15th. Come one, come all! Support your local theater!
I hope you're finding as much joy in your day as I am in mine :-)
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....before heading out to take a walk on this beautiful first day of August (August!! already!!) I was thinking on my earlier walk today how I used to walk all the time wearing headphones, striding to my music, focused rather inwardly, although noticing my surroundings but probably not taking them in as I thought I did. Because when I walk now, I don't wear headphones. I stopped doing that during the pandemic, simply for the reason that if someone was coming up from behind, I wanted to get out of their way and give them a wide berth in case they weren't going to give one to me. Not wearing my headphones opened up the world for me, the sounds, the sights, the feels. It's totally different. I love walking to birdsong or cicadas now or to children laughing or the myriad other sounds that aren't muffled anymore because I'm not shut up inside my music. Not that I don't love music, but I don't love to listen to it anymore on my walks. I guess we all change up our routines every now and then. I've been walking as exercise and for my good mental health for, oh, decades and it wasn't until the pandemic that I put away my headphones. It's hard for me to imagine now going back to walking with music. Nope, this blog isn't really earth-shattering today, just one gal's observations, which is what I do more easily now on my walks :-)
Wherever the day takes you, I hope it's where you want to go, with a song in your heart and a smile in your soul. ....last night. The sirens went off around 6:30 last night. It seemed like just a mild rain, so hearing the sirens was surprising and disconcerting. Being from the Midwest, tornado watches and warnings are something I grew up with. We did tornado drills regularly in school, hunkered down cross-legged with our hands clasped behind our necks, preparing for the worst. I guess tornado watches and warnings are as familiar to me as earthquake warnings are to Californians as hurricane warnings are to East and South Coasters as fire hazard warnings are to....well, now, kind of everywhere, but especially the dry south and west, though clearly the north too and anywhere where lightning or people with matches in a dry place are. It was a meteorologist's dream yesterday, the extreme and severe weather making its way towards the city. Each station we turned in to watch had one excited meteorologist after another, their screens lit up with RED! and PINK!, their excited voices talking about swirling winds and torn off roofs. We were actually calmed by ABC's Cheryl Scott's peaceful, straightforward demeanor (and she's so beautiful that she's fun to watch). The hysteria that some of the other channels exhibited was so annoying, especially when you're in a scary situation. That seems to be a trend these days....headlines scream the worst things in the worst ways, putting fear ahead of reporting. I miss Peter Jennings, calm, avuncular, personal, smart, delivering horrible news in a way that made you feel like everything, even in its horribleness, was going to be okay. Now? Hard to watch the news, hard to read the headlines, hard to take in the bad things when the newscasters make them SO BAD. Why do they want us to be afraid? What does that accomplish? Maybe severe reactions? Like severe weather? That make people do severe things? So there can be more screaming headlines? It's a perpetual cycle now. I'm not sure we're exhibiting the best versions of ourselves these days, people in power who can really make the world a better place instead of scaring the bejeezus out of all of us. Power is a delicate thing. It needs to be wielded gently and magnanimously with regard to all things living and breathing. Power is a great responsibility. "Power has only one duty - to secure the social welfare of the People." Benjamin Disraeli.
Wishing you the power to be kind, to lend a helping hand when needed, to be calm amidst the fury, and to smile at someone who needs a lift in their day. Here's a smile for you from me :-) And some roses from the Merrick Rose Garden to brighten your day and lift your spirits. ....that people really need to talk, really seem to need an ear right now, and it seems like now more than ever, I'm lending an ear and hearing all sorts of life things that folks are dealing with, from health issues to elder care issues to kid issues to work issues to partner issues...people have lots of issues! And they really need someone to listen. I am a good listener, I think. I listen. I just let people get it out and (I think, I hope) I don't judge, which is perhaps why people find it easy to tell me things, intimate things that perhaps they might not otherwise tell other people. I guess it's somewhat of a gift I have, but it also is quite exhausting. Because in order to really be an active listener, you have to be totally present and invested in what someone is saying and not check out and let your mind wander while they go on and on in detail, sometimes for long periods of time, while you sit quietly, nodding, adding in an "oh, golly" or "gee, that must be tough" or just making eye contact and being there for them. I'm not a therapist, not a counselor, not a psychologist, not a psychiatrist (my brother is a psychiatrist and it exhausts him), and perhaps just because I'm a friendly open available listener, people feel comfortable sharing. And I'm a safe. What someone tells me in these times of intimacy goes nowhere but between us, so I'm trustworthy and safe. The pandemic has really changed our lives in so many large and small ways, and I think part of it is how people feel about themselves, the world, their families....are looking at life differently and confronting fears and troubles in a way they haven't had to before. I'm grateful I can be an ear. I wish I could solve all the world's problems just by listening and being there. Would it were so easy....
I hope your day is calm and peaceful, that you're loving what you're doing, and most importantly, loving yourself. ...for blogging. You know how sometimes everything happens all at once? Yep, that's what happened. Good stuff, sad stuff, scary stuff, work stuff, busy stuff, stuff stuff...all of it all at once. I guess that's life, huh? And it's all okay. I'm not going to play catch-up because it's too much. Let's just start anew, shall we?
Let's see....oh! I got cast in a show!!!! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! More details when the theater announces, but man, oh, man, this is one happy gal :-) I asked for the script early-early so I could start learning my lines. I'm guessing every actor has their own process on how they learn lines, because, you know, you gotta learn 'em! For me? Repetition, repetition, repetition. I actually read the play over and over and over ad nauseam so that I know the whole play pretty well by the time I dig in. And I learn my lines with no intention behind them because rehearsal will be the time for exploring all there is. I worked with an actor once who had made all of her choices before we started rehearsal. I don't think I'd ever run into that before in my long career. Let me tell you, that was extremely difficult. Because nothing anyone could do would affect her and if you did something she didn't expect, which was always because she had made decisions in a vacuum, it would throw her and she couldn't remember her lines. I found it very controlling and frustrating. Oh, and she would stay in character the whole time we were rehearsing. You couldn't call her by her actual name because she wouldn't respond. I found it bizarre and impossible to work with. We managed, but I'm not going to lie, the show really suffered for it. So. I learn the words. I write down a lot of thoughts and questions. I research the hell out of everything - words I don't know; references to everything, even if I think I know what they are; pronunciations; places; people....I adore this part of prep. It's so exciting to delve into a script before rehearsals begin. I find that if I get all the work done before I walk into the first read (I say "all the work," but as soon as rehearsal starts, there's a ton more research for me to do and so many questions that pop up -- exciting!!), then the butterflies that I always feel before I start a new project (all the blurts, like they've made a huge mistake in casting me! I have no idea what I'm doing! I'm a total imposter! I mean, really, WTF do we do to ourselves?!) are diminished as soon as we crack our scripts open and start to read and I feel....like I'm home. Can't wait till we start! I'll keep you blogged on the process :-) Speaking of butterflies, we planted this lovely salvia as one of our pollinators and I've been anxiously eyeing it, waiting for butterflies to find it. Yesterday, lo and behold, this beauty was exploring the purple spikes! I tried not to scare it away in my excitement, but after snapping this picture, it fluttered away. I hope it remembers where it got some dessert :-) Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you find the joy in the moment and are breathing deeply and looking for the beautiful. ...I kept looking at the weeds and flowers and green things that were growing in the cracks of the sidewalk. Sometimes it was just a blade of grass, a random dandelion. In our winding brick path, many things have inserted themselves in the scant soil and eensy spaces between the bricks. Perseverance. Right? Sometimes you see photographs of trees growing out of the side of a steep hill or mountain, one lone tree gripping with all its roots to the side of a mountain. Tenacity. Right? Nature. Nature just keeps going. We mess it up, it changes, we keep messing, it keeps changing. Nature wins. Because it's inexorable, right? Thank goodness! (I'll admit, this all sounded better in my head, but somehow, today it's coming out of my fingers kind of wonky - what is that disconnect? It's kind of frustrating when that happens, but I know it happens to everybody. Especially when I want to draw something! It never comes out of my hand like I see it in my head! What's up with that?)
As I'm writing, I'm looking out my window at my neighbors' beautiful pink dogwood that's in full bloom and reaches over the lovely wooden fence between us. Oh, golly, its so pink and fresh and innocent-looking. I love staring at it, and it's especially great watching the shifting sky behind it. This time of year - glorious! My partner is from California and though he's been in the Midwest longer than he hasn't, he's still not happy with the Midwestern springs. We were just talking about it and he said that April is gloomy, and I said, "Oh, but all the trees are blooming in April! And the spring flowers are in full glory! Oh! All the birds singing, migrating! And I saw my first butterfly of the season in April! April is a beautiful month! And we were born in April (we both were!) and I think it's the sunniest month!" Without hesitation, he said, "And bunnies!" He's awesome :-) Today, I hope you persevere. Have the tenacity you need to do what you wish. Find beauty in unexpected things. Love hard. Laugh till it hurts. And bunnies! ...are in bloom! One of my favorite trees of all time! (Okay. Every tree is my favorite tree of all time. I'm an equal opportunity tree hugger/lover :-) But today I'm ogling the redbuds.....they have such delicate numerous flowers that line the entire branch of these graceful trees, full on magenta-pink delight, and when the flowers are done flowering, the heart-shaped leaves start to come forth. It should really be called the Cupid tree, I think. I do keep my eye out for white redbuds (sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?) They are rare here. I know of just one in my 'hood and I walk out of my way to see it. Redbuds always make me think of the countless trips I've made to Indianapolis to visit Mom. All along I 65 in the spring if you travel at just the right time, the glory of the redbuds makes the journey of farmland and flatness glorious with color (sidebar - I actually love the farmlands and flatness. I love to see the greening of the crops and the fields of yellow flowers that I believe are butterweed at certain times of the year. There's beauty wherever you look). I used to try to plan my Mom spring trip at the height of the redbuds blossoming. Heaven. Sheer heaven.
I hope beauty surrounds your every step today. ...for April. Last week, we hit the 80s; yesterday, it was snowing and raw. Last week, I was fretting about wearing shorts for the first time this year. Shorts! In April! With my oh-so-white gams that haven't seen the sun since probably November. It's always a struggle for me to figure out what to wear when the weather changes. Not that I don't have clothes and not that I haven't been wearing the same clothes for a while...but my brain cuts and runs and my mirror does horrible things the first time I shed the winter clothes for more revealing ones. Man, what we do to ourselves! Why, oh, why are we so hard on ourselves about stuff like this? Anyway....this is not at all what I was thinking about when I sat down to write this post!
Last week when the weather was in the 80s, I was out on my evening walk (wearing shorts! because I got over myself ;-), taking in the sky, the trees that are bursting forth, all the different daffodils and tulips and spring flowers, the variety of mellifluous birdsong, and as I strode down the sidewalk, a woman was heading right for me, totally engrossed in her phone, not at all looking where she was going, kind of weaving all over the sidewalk with absolutely no idea that she wasn't the only person in the world at that moment. I decided to just get the heck out of her way and stepped onto the grass, which I am loath to do. (Sidebar - when we were kids, we were NEVER to walk on anyone's lawn! Dad took meticulous care of the grass, as did we at his bidding, his honeydos, and we were taught to respect all of our neighbors' and neighborhood's lawns, so I would go out of my way not to step on a single blade of someone else's grass. That sticks with me to this day.) As this woman ferociously passed me, still glued to her phone, something made her look up (perhaps my beaming presence) and she jumped and said, "Oh! I'm so sorry!" I said, "No worries." She said, "It's been one of those days." And as I looked into her eyes, she looked...somewhat tortured and I felt so bad for her. Not only because she was having one of those days, but because she was out on this beautiful evening and missing everything about spring and this amazing gift of an evening that was surrounding her that may have helped her cope with her day. So I said, "I hope you have a beautiful evening. And try to look up. It's a gorgeous day." She thanked me for being nice and barreled down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I watched her for a few moments. She did look up....before looking back down, completely engrossed in her phone again. So here's a thought for you. When you're outside, be outside. Be present. Look. Listen. Breathe. Acknowledge the world around you. Your phone isn't going anywhere. The news, your friend, the text, whatever, will all be waiting for you when you get home. Give yourself the present of presence in nature. Wishing you a beautiful walk. ...while thinking about everything under the sun, my thoughts took me, for some reason, to a walk I took in Lubbock, Texas, while I was on tour with a show. My passion for walking stayed with me on tour, and I would explore, most times with my fabulous cohorts - the technical director, wardrobe mistress, sound guy, and assistant stage manager, marvelous folks all - all the cities all over the country where the tour took us. I find that the best way to really see things is on foot. On this particular day, I was alone and took a long walk on the streets of Lubbock. While on a main street where the sidewalk seemed to go on forever, lots of cars honked as they passed by. My ego led to me to, oh, gee, I must look really good today! All these fellas honking at me! When I got to the theater that night and was talking with the local crew and regaled them with my story, sheepishly saying the part about me looking good, they laughed and said, "Nobody walks in Lubbock! They must have thought your car broke down and you were looking for a ride!" We all had a great laugh about that and my ego was put in its proper place :-) It's funny how we think about ourselves, isn't it? Perhaps they thought I looked good AND they thought my car broke down ;-)
I passed by this delightful fire hydrant the other day. How wonderful that a simple pair of googly eyes transformed this into a fun creature! Ah, imagination! Hats off to the decorator of this hydrant. Wherever your feet take you today, I hope you discover something that makes you smile and think in a different way. ...Passover Seder with my wonderful aunt, uncle, cousins, kids, partners that went late into the night with laughter and tears and joy, unending conversation, witty remarks, too much delicious food, jumping frogs, and everything that makes this Seder that I look forward to every year so special. I always think of my aunt and uncle as they were when I was a kid -- they were glamorous and beautiful, my aunt having a hairdo just like Marlo Thomas in That Girl, my uncle suave and handsome, easygoing and charming. My aunt always looked liked she stepped out of Vogue magazine, my uncle out of GQ, and I thought they were the most sophisticated jetsetters. They knew everyone, were kind to everyone, exchanged witty banter, laughed easily, charmed everyone they met. They are forever fixed in my mind as if they are in their 30s though now they're 87 and 90 (87 and 90?!?!) My aunt is Mom's younger by two years sister. Mom, the complete opposite of Aunt J. Mom the hippie, the one who forged her own road, the artist and bohemian, barefoot, long hair, jeans, wearing pants to synagogue when everyone else wore a dress, never donned a hat, wore very little makeup, a true flower child in her approach to love and humanity. Not that Aunt J doesn't share her humanistic qualities - she's just packaged differently, never a hair out of place, never an outfit that doesn't look like a million bucks. They love each other fiercely. Mom was her own person from the get-go and endlessly got on my grandmother's nerves because Mom didn't care about fashion or hairdos or the outward trappings of beauty (Mom is completely beautiful), and to my grandmother, looks were everything. To my mom, looks meant nothing. It was what's inside that counts. Aunt J, seeing the endless fighting and wanting no part of it, took the road of least resistance and made sure that she always looked like a million bucks to avoid the abuse heaped upon Mom by my grandmother. Aunt J still tells stories of the fights between Mom and my grandmother, which are heartbreaking and make me so angry. It's amazing to me that Mom turned out the way she did, considering how much she was tormented by my grandmother. Instead of becoming an abuser herself, she went the opposite way and loves people into submission. Aunt J is a wonder to me, as is Mom. I love these two women like you can't believe. Both have been and continue to be lifelong role models for me. I cherish these Seders for many reasons and they've taken on a different meaning as everyone has gotten older. Driving away from this one, my fabulous partner behind the wheel, I wiped many tears of joy and sorrow from my leaking eyes...will this be the last one with everyone here? Who knows what's around the corner....all we have is now, this moment, and the memories that fill us up and bring joy to our hearts. I'll savor this Seder like I do my cousin's incredible macaroons....delicious, decadent, fleeting, fabulous.
I hope whatever holiday you celebrated this spring, even if only celebrating that spring is here, has filled you up and brought joy to your heart and soul. |
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